For the largest part of my adult life I thought that money ( which meant responsibility to me) and creativity ( which meant free spiritedness) were separate and lived in two totally different planets.  I saw my dad trudge off to work into the business world,  to the same job for 40 years, in his white shirts and ties and it seemed uninspiring. He did travel some and that part seemed fun, but the other part loomed much bigger.

My childlike mind decided I wanted none of that. I wanted to be creative and to feel inspired so I did that really well. I was self-employed  and thought that gave me freedom  which was a huge value for me. Thirty years later I discovered I knew nothing about money and barely had two nickels to rub together. For the next ten years I decided to learn everything I could about money and how to turn my self-employment into a business.

And what do you know, I realized that my whole belief system was flawed and incorrect!  Money, responsibility, creativity and free-spiritedness actually can co-exist in the same planet.  It was a shock to discover that my whole life had been based on an incorrect idea.  Instead of being angry or upset with myself, I am rejoicing in the immense freedom it has brought to me.  My business allows me to be creative in ways I could not comprehend twenty years ago.

I woke up one day last week and had an “aha”moment. Sometimes I am baffled at how this whole process works of “waking up.” How do you know what you don’t know and how can you find out what you don’t know if you don’t know you don’t know it?

It is a real conundrum. For years, in fact all of my adult life until recently I have been focused on “me,” and what I need, what I want, how I can be of service, how I can feel fulfilled and on and on. It has been all about me and what the world can give to me. I think this is a normal developmental response to individuation so its ok. Whew!

But just last week I realized that this perspective has changed for me. Now it is all about, “what does the world need from me?” The focus is on the world. It is a subtle but powerful difference because now my unique contribution is drawn from me and I just have to show up and be present. Wow, the world really needs something distinctive from me that is special. I think it has been a gradual shift but I just fully realized it.

It is a relief as it eliminates competition, comparison and judgment in one fell swoop. It eliminates the need to try to be something I am not.  I guess I have been operating this way for awhile but didn’t know it. The awareness  makes all the difference.

My Business Design workshop takes on a whole new meaning.